In a dramatic and unexpected move, President George W. Bush this morning signed Executive Order #69420, which immediately removes cannabis sativa from the DEA’s list of Controlled Substances. As of this moment, adult marijuana prohibition is over and all possession, use, and cultivation of marijuana is completely legal under federal law.

President Bush cited the fact that he himself once used marijuana, as did former President Bill Clinton, as well as Mr. Bush’s prior opponents, Vice President Al Gore and Senator John Kerry. Mr. Bush said the move to legalize marijuana is part of an overall harm reduction measure with respect to drugs that he wishes to leave as his legacy. The president recognizes that America will never truly be “drug free”, so instead, he has signed this Executive Order in order for the DEA to concentrate on controlling the more harmful, “harder” drugs. Said Mr. Bush, “One major responsibility is to encourage people to use less drugs.”

While this move makes marijuana legal at the federal level, cannabis enthusiasts are reminded that this Executive Order does not overturn the laws in the fifty states that regulate marijuana, except for those states whose statutes take their drug definitions directly from the federal schedule. Attorneys throughout the country are scrambling to determine exactly what the status of marijuana will now become in their respective states.

The candidates for president reacted to the new Executive Order re-legalizing marijuana. Senator Barack Obama, who has admitted to smoking marijuana in his past, addressed some leaders in the African-American community who have condemned the move as the Bush administration abandoning poor minority communities to the scourge of drugs. Mr. Obama said, “To condemn it without understanding its roots only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists between the races.”

Senator Hillary Clinton, whose husband famously said, “I did not inhale” when asked about his marijuana use, praised the Executive Order, but cautioned that it won’t mean a whole lot if the states do not follow suit and repeal their statutes against marijuana possession, since most marijuana arrests occur at the state level. “I personally do not think it made any difference,” said the former First Lady, “you know, it’s clear, this is not going to count for anything.”

Senator John McCain was asked about the president’s order to re-legalize marijuana and whether he thought this should lead Congress to consider the possibility of reducing the penalties on other illegal substances. Mr. McCain said, “I believe that this is a possibility that is maybe closer to reality than we are discussing tonight.”

Then “Radical” Russ woke up and realized that today is April Fools Day and he was only dreaming the news that he wishes he could someday read on the air…

Tags: April Fools!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 at 6:29 am and is filed under 4:20 NewsHour, Recreational Reefer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a trackback from your own site.