Marijuana enlarges sex characteristics, new study reports
WOODCOCK, BRITISH COLUMBIA - Researchers at the Royal Canadian University of Woodcock’s John Holmes School of Urology have discovered evidence that the new super-potent strains of marijuana known as “BC Bud”, “the chronic”, or “skunk” have potentially undesirable effects for male marijuana smokers.The lead researcher, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, stated that he studied 1,420 male marijuana smokers over a period of six months. The subjects were divided into a group that received 20 grams per day of high-potency marijuana - the so-called “sticky-icky” - and another group of control subjects that were given 20 grams per day of low-potency grass, otherwise known as “schwag”.
Dr. Boombatz found that after six months of the high-potency marijuana, measuring up to 20% pure THC, 85% of the men experienced an increase in the length and girth of their male anatomy. Median growth was two centimeters in length and one centimeter in girth, but almost 5% of the men experienced growth of more than twice those figures.
“When the news of this latest finding about the harms of marijuana hits home,” said Dr. Boombatz, “we can only hope that our young people will finally understand just how dangerous these ’skunk’ forms of marijuana can be. This isn’t like the pot of the 1960s!”
Dr. Boombatz tells parents the warning signs of your teenage boys’ addiction to “BC Bud” can include obvious discomfort while wearing tight jeans, hidden purchases of “Magnum” condoms, and an inordinate amount of attention from cheerleaders. Parents in Southern California’s San Fernando Valley are particularly warned to investigate further if their son says he’s gotten a job “in the movies”.
This announcement comes one year to the day of Dr. Boombatz’s dramatic discovery last year that girls who smoke bongs are six times sexier than girls who smoke cigarettes.
Hmmm… I must be smoking some schwaggy weed…
Tags: April Fools!
