No has never been an answer to anyone at work. What ever it takes to get the job done.
No formal education but a technical mind.

Honestly I like the smoke, I dont drink.

I took a whizz quiz and failed. They gave me the option to continue to work with them but I am required to retest within 45 days.

I’ll bit the bullet and quit but mark my words when I retire I’m packing another bowl.

Then your potential boss says, “Oh, and one more thing. We don’t hire child molesters here.”

OK, you think. That’s weird. “Heh heh,” you laugh uncomfortably, “well, that’s a good thing, I guess, since I’m not a child molester.”

He continues. “We have a Molester-Free Workplace policy here. I need you to please go behind that curtain there and take off your pants.”

“Excuse me?!?”

“It’s just part of our Molester test. Don’t worry it is standard procedure. Your privacy is maintained, just step behind the curtain, no one will see you. Just strap on the plethysmograph…”

“The what?”

“The plethysmograph. It’s that little thing back there that looks like a mini blood pressure cuff. Just strap that onto your penis…”

“What?!?”

“…it measures the volume of penile engorgement. While you’re wearing the plethysmograph, we’ll also have you put on those stereovision goggles. Then you’ll see various images, like a flower, a car, a house, and every so often, a naked child. If the plethysmograph registers no change in erectile function, we know you’re not a child molester and we can finalize this job offer. It’s just a one-time test; everyone that works here, including me, has had to take it.”

Would you want to work for that company? What does it say about the beginning of a relationship when the person with the power in that relationship begins it by accusing you of not only being a criminal, but being a social deviant as well? What does it say about your job when your résumé isn’t as important as your penis? (Unless you’re a porn star, that is.)

That’s what it is to take a pre-employment urine test. Your boss is essentially accusing you from the very beginning of being a criminal and a liar. You’re guilty of being a “druggie” until proven innocent. I think it was George Carlin who asked, “if the drug test wasn’t ‘pee in a cup’ and instead it was ’shit in a bag’, do you think they’d be so popular?” Drug tests, when you really think about it, are disgusting.

When someone can give me the argument that would convince Benjamin Franklin he needs to pee in a cup to get a job, I’ll take another pee test.

While I’m still unemployed, I am very happy to no longer be working in that type of environment and will not go back to it, no matter what the pay and benefits are. Besides the high stress, I will not work for any employer that requires any pre-employment screening. I’m glad you were fortunate enough to have had connections to a community that eventually led to employment. I’m having to forge a new path for myself (and thanks to my loving wife for being so supportive!) but I’m so thankful for the opportunity to start over again; although much of it now is due to the economy. Pfft.

ROFL!

You’re job/show/opinions rock! Thanks for sharing!