Landed in Madison, on campus at University of Wisconsin

I have arrived in Madison, Wisconsin. I’m at the University Inn, right on the campus of University of Wisconsin (the Badgers!). Directly across my window is a large college-type bar that I’m certain will be perfect for watching Monday Night Football as the Mighty Green Bay Packers take on the Vikings and the Quarterback Formerly Known As Favre. Like Prince one did, I’ve decided that #4 isn’t really Brett Favre and that he’s changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol that looks like a cross between a ? (representing “Will he retire?”) and a 4. It’s the only way my brain can handle the cognitive dissonance of rooting for my D-linemen to sack and my secondary to intercept my hero.

Back in the day, we used to do this at parties and call it "Jungle Juice"

Of course, it wouldn’t be a “Radical” Russ travelogue without my latest peeve about airline travel in America.  I’m checking in at PDX and I’ve learned my lessons.  I’ve stripped down the studio so it fits in one double laptop bag, and it’s constructed so I can take the laptop out, clamshell the rest to expose the board and mics on one side, the cords and adapters on the other.

I also did the online boarding pass printing the night before and I took my hanging bag to the curbside check in, which the helpful lady told me I could have also done online and saved $5 off the $20 clothing tax the airlines charge (“Oh, you want to wear clothes when you get to your destination, and thought it would be logical to take a bag full of them with you?  That’ll be extra.  Our regular passengers just fly in what they’re wearing and go naked once they get where they’re going.”).  I wear sweats, no metal jewelry, and not a pot leaf to be seen.

So I’m ready to just zip through the TSA humiliation line when I see this poster (pictured above) over a large 55 gallon trash bin that seemed to be double-lined with garbage bags.  “Pour Beverages Here,” it reads, “No Liquids Through Security.”

Now does anyone remember why TSA makes us put shampoo in little 3 ounce or less bottles in clear plastic bags?  Why they won’t let you carry on a bottle of water you just bought at the airport kiosk?  Why a four ounce container of men’s gel antiperspirant that is one twist away from empty is forbidden and must be tossed (happened to me in Billings once, and I exasperatedly said, “So it’s not that I am carrying more than three ounces of a gel – there’s obviously only maybe a teaspoon left – it’s that I’m carrying too much empty volume in something that could hold a gel?”  TSA was not amused.)

They don’t let you take liquids through security because of the imminent threat of three terrorists getting on a plane and each one of them carries a pre-cursor chemical and then they put them all together to form either a violent chemical explosion or a noxious poisonous gas.

So, if you would, please, Mr. Terrorist, dump your dangerous pre-cursor chemical in the vat along with the Wendy’s sodas, baby formula, and four ounce deposits of shampoos?

Hey, what do you know?  It’s here in Wisconsin, and my gracious guests have left me with a way to ease the tension I feel examining the idiocy of the Transportation Silliness Agency.  More updates from America’s Dairyland as the week progresses.