Michael Phelps apologizes to China, Mazda keeps Phelps

At the behest of a sponsor, Michael Phelps has recorded a video apology to the people of China, expressing his remorse over the recently published pictures of him using a marijuana pipe and thanking them for their support and forgiveness.

The 52-second video has been posted on several Web sites in China, and one major Chinese newspaper said the video had been sent directly from the Japanese auto company Mazda, which last month signed Phelps to an endorsement deal believed to be worth more than a million dollars. Phelps was signed to promote Mazda cars in China after his record-breaking eight-gold-medal performance at the Beijing Olympics last summer.

But Mazda apparently decided an apology to the Chinese would suffice. The company issued a statement saying it would continue its sponsorship of Phelps. “His expression of remorse and his determination to make amends, and especially his video apology and expression of thanks to the Chinese people, give us confidence that Phelps can make a healthy return to the pool and have even more brilliant achievements,” the statement said.

I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten — how many gold medals and world records did Michael Phelps win for the nation of China again?  Or Japan?

I had been withholding judgment on Phelps apologies.  I was giving him some leeway, being a 23-year-old young man, being socially awkward from years spent in a pool rather than socializing, being in the unenviable position of having the entire world focused on you as you decide “millions of dollars and set for life” vs. “the fallen-from-grace gold medalist who stood up for pot”.  I’m down for the cause and all, but you throw eight figures at me and I might have to think about it.

But apologizing to the Chinese?!?  A country that censors its internet, aborts its unwanted females, imprisons its religious, and generally represses human rights needs an apology over a photo of a bong-smoking swimmer or its people won’t buy a lousy Japanese car the swimmer endorses?  

Forget it, Phelps, I’m done withholding judgment.  You may be the fastest fish in the water, but out of the pool you’ve got as much spine as a squid.  Your pot smoking isn’t something to be ashamed of, in fact, it was the smartest recreational intoxicant choice you could make.  You’re unquestionably the greatest swimmer ever and your financial future would be secure even if every sponsor dropped you (unlike, say, the thousands losing their jobs over a dirty pee test).  USA Swimming would never have banned you from any real competition; you’re their only household name.  You, unlike anyone else caught smoking pot, were in the most unassailable position to finally say, “I smoke pot and I like it a lot – so what?” and maybe be the little boy who cries out the emperor is naked that finally tips the scales in ending adult marijuana prohibition.

Real men stand up for what they believe.  Real men fight for their sacred honor.  Real men don’t cower and submit for a paycheck when their family’s survival doesn’t depend on it.

Sheesh, do we now have to boycott the companies that kept Phelps because they’re supporting the Judas of Ganja?  ”Is this not the third time thou hast denied me,” said Cannabis?