It’s long and it’s rambling and it’s chock full of reefer madness. It’s an op-ed called “In defense of banning marijuana dispensaries” by San Bernadino County Supervisor Brad Mitzelfelt, a man who took a sacred oath to protect and defend the good people of San Bernadino (a point he makes twice – he’s only doing it for your own good, you see.)
You can get the distilled eau de guanoloco* out of just two paragraphs:
However, the real issue here is that the medical marijuana movement is a fraud. The majority of medical marijuana card holders in the state of California are under the age of 30. How many of them actually have serious illnesses other than drug addiction? Even if they were truly sick, there are no credible studies demonstrating the medical benefits of marijuana.
I guess in San Bernadino, people under 30 don’t get epilepsy, cancer, irritable bowel, glaucoma, fibromyalgia, crushed vertebrae, migraine headaches, PTSD, anxiety disorder, AIDS, or any other number of diseases and conditions medical cannabis can alleviate. Diseases and conditions that don’t necessarily put you in a wheelchair or make you look visibly sick or disabled. And even if they are truly sick, since Brad can’t be bothered by 17,000 credible studies on cannabis and cannabinoids, let them take Vicodin or something instead of a legal non-toxic herb.
The case against marijuana is most clear when the mental abilities of a lifelong marijuana smoker are observed. In fact, I will take this argument one step further. While many ill people believe their symptoms can be alleviated by smoking marijuana, the political movement behind legalizing medical marijuana is the same movement that seeks to legalize the drug for recreational use.
Well, the mental abilities of this lifelong marijuana smoker are taxed trying to understand Brad’s reasoning. Why would people like me who want to legalize marijuana for all people not support legalizing marijuana for sick people? Why would sick people who want to legalize marijuana for themselves support locking other pot smokers up for being too healthy? And do you mean that we can’t allow people to self-medicate with a non-toxic herb because some of them might enjoy it?
By the way, I want to form a new elite team of competitors called The Cannabrains. We’d go to places like San Bernadino and challenge people like Brad Mitzelfelt to whichever test of mental abilities he chooses against one of our Cannabrain lifelong marijuana smoker teammates. For example, he could play chess against chess master Ben Masel** from our Madison, Wisconsin affiliate. I’m pretty handy at pop culture trivia. Cannabis Karri is kick-ass at Boggle. Are there any more volunteers for the Cannabrains? Maybe we could seriously challenge these people and play the games online. Some of the most brilliant people I know are lifelong stoners, which makes sense when you figure intelligent people would gravitate toward the least harmful, most fulfilling recreational substance.
*Yes, I can mix French and Spanglish into a clumsy translation for “smell of bat-shit crazy”.
**Seriously, don’t. Ben is a national-class chess player. Poker, too, I understand.
I’m pretty good in American History, Geography, Physical Science, Classical and Baroque Music, Survival skills, electronic theory and Horticulture. IQ = 136… don’t remember my ASVAB, but I was offered any vocation when I joined the military with the exception of Sonar… slight hearing impairment at the time.
I have been smoking more or less since the first year of high school, and I was on my high school´s trivia/knowledge bowl team for 3 years. I read lots of books, and like to think I know all sorts of random things. I am now a college graduate with a degree in Chemical Engineering, and I am down in La Paz, Bolivia, volunteering. If I had to guess I am more intelligent in most areas then Mr. Mitzelfelt ever was and ever will be. But hey, all us pot smokers just sit on the couch all day and watch cartoons, right. HAHA keep toking. I just found some stuff grown out in the jungle. :)
BTW, 1650 SAT, 99th percentile ASVAB. Both tests taken while stoned after 3-4 years of daily consumption. A long 24 years ago, and haven’t lost it yet.
Even better, let Mr Mitzelfelt choose the event to be competed in (mental or physical) and we’ll find a self-confessed lifelong toker that’ll beat him.
I’ll volunteer. Am pretty good at Trivia, depending on the topic. Watch Jeopardy, Millionaire. Have been smoking pot for 40 years.