I get lots of email from NORML supporters and some just like to write. Some write some very entertaining pieces and now and then I like to post them for your entertainment.
So before you start, lest someone accidentally take this seriously, remember that the following is satire…
NEW HOPE FOR CALIFORNIA!
Residents of California, and much of the rest of the country, rejoiced with the news of the return of total marijuana prohibition. So called “medical cannabis dispensaries” will close their doors forever at midnight tonight, or face severe state and federal penalties.
One county sheriff, who refused to be identified, proclaimed, “We are prepared to take our state back from the criminals who have nearly destroyed our great home. Our police cruisers are gassed up, our deputies armed, and we expect to have some very successful and busy days and weeks of law enforcement ahead of us. This is a great day for California.”
State officials have been scrambling to address what has been termed “chaos in the streets” ever since the impact of California’s 12 year old medical cannabis law started becoming more than just an inconvenient problem.
Known as a gateway to the abuse of more powerful drugs, the widespread use of legal medical marijuana has resulted in massive increases in arrests for crack cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamines. Drug treatment centers are overflowing, and hospital emergency rooms are struggling to cope with countless overdoses. The rise in the number of drug-related deaths is staggering.
Mouth, neck, lung, and brain cancers have affected an estimated 60% of long-term medical marijuana users, a statistic which was predicted by several opponents to the legalization of the dangerous “medicine” more than a dozen years ago.
Psychiatric and psychological disorders have also risen. Many medical marijuana “patients“, without insurance coverage or access to professional counseling, wander the streets, adding to the already exploding number of homeless vagrants. Known as “pot zombies”, many are not aware of their condition, or even where they are.
The number of violent crimes, induced by marijuana “highs”, has skyrocketed. The terrorist-like activities, which started near medical marijuana dispensaries quickly spiraled out to bedroom communities across the state.
The tipping point came with the huge increase in traffic fatalities attributed to drivers operating while high on pot, and the citizens of California finally decided enough was enough.
Sighs of relief have spread across the nation, as the remaining medical marijuana states scramble to undo the damage of their own laws before they suffer the same consequences as the Golden State. Legislation to resurrect mandatory minimum sentences for possession and trafficking is being fast-tracked around the country.
The ruse of medical marijuana has been exposed, and our citizens are looking forward to the new hope of recovery.