I get lots of email from NORML supporters and some just like to write. Some write some very entertaining pieces and now and then I like to post them for your entertainment.
So before you start, lest someone accidentally take this seriously, remember that the following is satire…
NEW HOPE FOR CALIFORNIA!
Residents of California, and much of the rest of the country, rejoiced with the news of the return of total marijuana prohibition. So called “medical cannabis dispensaries” will close their doors forever at midnight tonight, or face severe state and federal penalties.
One county sheriff, who refused to be identified, proclaimed, “We are prepared to take our state back from the criminals who have nearly destroyed our great home. Our police cruisers are gassed up, our deputies armed, and we expect to have some very successful and busy days and weeks of law enforcement ahead of us. This is a great day for California.”
State officials have been scrambling to address what has been termed “chaos in the streets” ever since the impact of California’s 12 year old medical cannabis law started becoming more than just an inconvenient problem.
Medical marijuana... the gateway to Hell!
Known as a gateway to the abuse of more powerful drugs, the widespread use of legal medical marijuana has resulted in massive increases in arrests for crack cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamines. Drug treatment centers are overflowing, and hospital emergency rooms are struggling to cope with countless overdoses. The rise in the number of drug-related deaths is staggering.
Mouth, neck, lung, and brain cancers have affected an estimated 60% of long-term medical marijuana users, a statistic which was predicted by several opponents to the legalization of the dangerous “medicine” more than a dozen years ago.
STRAAIINNS!! STRAAIINNS!! Who can forget the hordes of pot zombies roaming the streets of Oaksterdam?
Psychiatric and psychological disorders have also risen. Many medical marijuana “patients“, without insurance coverage or access to professional counseling, wander the streets, adding to the already exploding number of homeless vagrants. Known as “pot zombies”, many are not aware of their condition, or even where they are.
The number of violent crimes, induced by marijuana “highs”, has skyrocketed. The terrorist-like activities, which started near medical marijuana dispensaries quickly spiraled out to bedroom communities across the state.
The tipping point came with the huge increase in traffic fatalities attributed to drivers operating while high on pot, and the citizens of California finally decided enough was enough.
Sighs of relief have spread across the nation, as the remaining medical marijuana states scramble to undo the damage of their own laws before they suffer the same consequences as the Golden State. Legislation to resurrect mandatory minimum sentences for possession and trafficking is being fast-tracked around the country.
The ruse of medical marijuana has been exposed, and our citizens are looking forward to the new hope of recovery.
Contact your elected representatives and urge them to 'Stop Arresting Marijuana Smokers'. 
STRAAIINNS!! STRAAIINNS!!
ROFL
That’s right – the more you write, the less I have to!
The whole point of this story is to examine the senselessness of critics of medical cannabis. I don’t doubt there are folks out there who completely agree this type of activity is inevitable. The sad truth is there is a lack of MSM articles which are reporting on the actual impact of MMJ in California. After 12 years, there should be plenty of evidence to look at. Apparently, there’s just not enough negative impact to justify MSM’s coverage.
I don’t live in California, and access to enough information about MMJ’s impact is difficult to obtain via the internet, otherwise I’d be gathering it and sharing.
Shouts of, “We don’t want another California!” are never supported by reasons why, other than those articles claiming huge numbers of non-patients obtaining MMJ ID cards.
If you live in California, I urge you to consider writing such an article. Look for hard statistics from reliable sources.
…then send them to Russ. He’s been willing to post even stories of folly, like this one, and I’m sure he’d consider posting such an important report.
It’s all part of increasing public awareness. We are an ignorant society which needs truthful education!
Agree with DPS3Putt comment. Understand it completely and most likely would get along well with the person who wrote it however it made me uncomfortable because we realize that will never happen as the exact opposite is the truth.
Then again I’m the old woman around here.
I had always thought marijuana would lead to a zombie apocalypse. This proves it haha.
Too bad this is really what they think is going on in CA around the rest of the nation, how many times do we here, “we dont want to get where CA is look at the mess they have” Gee seems to me its the police that are having the hard time in CA about all this, not the people of CA!
Great stuff. Thanks for sharing it. I totally get the satire, and I’m sure everyone else visiting this site does too, but I can’t help but think that some where, some prohibitionist will read it and say “See, I told you”