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1. Company developing cannabis pain relief patch for pets
2. Victoria, Australia, bans bongs
3. Ft. Bragg city councilman killed while investigating clandestine marijuana grow
4. Billings man charged in marijuana DUID case that killed toddler
5. Stupid Stoner Stories: Man uses fake gun to steal fake weed (K2), ends up shot in the ass by citizen with a real gun

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• Roots Monday: Peter Tosh – “Legalize It”

Cannabis Community

• “Radical” Russ’s “STFU Speech” at 2011 Hempfest
• “Radical” Russ’s “Multiple Choice Drug Test Speech” at 2011 Hempfest
• “Radical” Russ’s “Amendments Speech” at 2011 Hempfest

Radical Rant

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• Sacramento Bee columnist claims NORML ‘cherry-picks’ data

(Kelowna.com) An RCMP officer driving the Kelowna detachment’s prisoner escort van around 10:15 a.m. noticed the driver of black chevrolet coupe on Gordon Drive after he swerved while reaching for something beside him. The cop pulled up on the passenger side of the car at a red light to get a better look.

The officer watched in amazement as the 20-year-old man grabbed his bong, loaded it with pot, then took a hoot “with the policeman right there, not more than five feet away, watching everything that was going on,” Kelowna RCMP spokesman Const. Steve Holmes told reporters this morning.

Holmes was also dumbfounded by the driver’s obliviousness to the cop van beside him.

“It’s big, it’s white, it is fully marked with a light bar on it, strobe lights, and the large RCMP insignia on the doors,” Holmes remarked. “It is generally hard to miss.”

Do they not sell rolling papers in Canada?

You really have to delve deep into the seven-layer-dip of dipshit to come up with dumbass as delicious as this…

1. Do not drive while impaired by cannabis use…
2. OK, then at least don’t smoke cannabis while driving…
3. All right, then have the sense to roll a joint that might pass as a cigarette to a passing driver…
4. Well, then, if you just have to have your bong and weed in your car, transport it in the trunk…
5. Oh, so you really want a bong hit while you’re driving the car?  At least pull over off the road…
6. At a red light?  Well, for God’s sake look around first to make sure you’re not pulling a rip with someone watching…
7. Sigh, all right, idiot, maybe they won’t look or care, but just be sure it’s not a cop… Shit!

Needless to say, nobody at NORML supports the use of cannabis while driving.  We also don’t support locking people up for cannabis use.  But we do stand for responsible use and have no problem with criminal punishments of those who put others at risk by their irresponsible use of cannabis.  Or for just exhibiting rank stupidity that makes the rest of us look bad.

RICHMOND, CA (KGO) — After four tense hours in Richmond Sunday night, a police bomb squad safely disposed of what they thought was a pipe bomb found in front of a 19th Street home.

The mysterious metal cylinder was capped at one end and had a pin attached to its side. Bomb experts from Walnut Creek evacuated everybody for 300 feet around and blew it up at about 10:30 pm.

It turns out it was a pipe, but not a pipe bomb. Police now think it was a marijuana bong left behind by some taggers who were seen vandalizing the house and a car at about 6 pm.

Quick, somebody call the bong squad!

I’m trying to figure out why taggers are taking a bong along with them.  Doesn’t anybody roll joints anymore?

(Minneapolis Star-Tribune) Bong water can count as a controlled substance, the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled Thursday in a decision that raises the threat of longer sentences for drug smokers who fail to dump the water out of their pipes.

In a 4-3 decision Thursday, the state’s highest court said a person can be prosecuted for a first-degree drug crime for 25 grams or more of bong water that tests positive for a controlled substance.

The statute defines a drug “mixture” as “a preparation, compound, mixture, or substance containing a controlled substance, regardless of purity.” When the language of a statute is unambiguous, the high court said, precedents prohibit courts from disregarding the letter of the law under the pretext of pursuing the letter of the law.

“Regardless of purity” means that even a fleck of an ash that registers a molecule of THC floating in your bong water makes all that water weight a controlled substance.  25 grams of water equals 25 milliliters, which equals a little over five teaspoons of water.  Five teaspoons of water in your bong makes you a first degree criminal.  An ounce and a half of bong water makes you a felon.

The winner of the most creative marijuana protest act of 2009 so far… Trevor Titman!

Photo by Trevor Titman - see full size at TrevorTitman.com

Browsing through the University of Texas newspaper I saw that John Ashcroft was scheduled to speak at the University. I had the idea of taking the photo almost immediately.

I wanted to protest the drug policy of the justice department under John Ashcroft and thought that simply getting a photo with John Ashcroft and a bong was enough to make a statement of my views. I only bought the pipe two hours before the speaking event and thought I had a very slim chance of pulling off the photo. Finding someone to take the photo was a problem. People have been thrown to the ground and tasered for less than this.

I walked into the hall where Ashcroft was speaking about an hour late. There was no problem getting my bong loaded backpack in the event. It was Q&A time and it seemed like many people there disagreed with Ashcroft’s torture policy. Afterward the Q&A there was a mess of people leaving the room and going up to have a brief chat or photo with Mr. Ashcroft.

My photographer and I nervously advanced to the front of the room. There were a number policemen and security guards and we had no interest in getting tasered and spending the night in jail. I got close… Ashcroft was taking a photo with someone and talking to them. When my photographer was in position… I got John Ashcroft’s attention and ask for a photo. I quickly pulled out the bong while my photographer snapped the photo. He then saw what I had done and yelled “GET YOUR MARIJUANA EQUIPMENT OUTTA HERE!!”. I told him quickly and politely that I did not agree with his drug policies and quickly left.

 As many as eight people have been arrested on drug charges in an effort to build a marijuana possession case against Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps, an attorney for one of the defendants confirmed this morning.

Longtime Columbia attorney Dick Harpootlian said Richland County Sheriff’s deputies arrested his client – whom he declined to identify — in a raid Saturday at his Lake Murray-area home after seizing a small amount of marijuana.

“He’s sitting there on Saturday, and 12 cops kick in the door with guns drawn, search his house and find 5, maybe 6, grams of pot,” Harpootlian said.”They never asked him, ‘Who sold you the pot?’ … They were asking, ‘Were you at the party with Michael Phelps? Did you see him using marijuana?’ It was all about Michael Phelps.”

Harpootlian, a former solicitor for Richland and Kershaw counties, said in his entire legal career he had “never seen a search warrant executed for simple possession of marijuana.”

[D]eputies seized four laptop computers, a desktop computer and a computer storage drive from his client’s home — supposedly to try to find evidence against Phelps, Harpootlian said, adding they refused his request Wednesday to return the items to his client.

Under South Carolina law, possession of one ounce or less of marijuana is a misdemeanor that carries a fine up to $200 and 30 days in jail for the first offense. Possession of drug paraphernalia is a $500 fine.

And in other, less important crime news from Richland County, South Carolina:

Richland County (WLTX) – Richland County deputies are searching for a suspect they say robbed a bank Wednesday.

The incident took place February 11 at 12:15 p.m. at the South Carolina State Credit Union at 7438 Broad River Road.

Investigators say the suspect entered the bank and presented a note demanding money. Officers say after robbing the bank, the suspect left the building and drove off in a burgandy or dark red Suzuki SUV.

Yes, but did the suspect have a bong?

COLUMBIA, SC (WIS) – New details have emerged about a party where Olympic champion Michael Phelps was spotted.

[Sheriff Leon] Lott says the picture indicated a law was being broken in his jurisdiction. He said he couldn’t ignore the violation just because Phelps is rich and famous.

We’ve now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they’ve made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff’s department served search warrants.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong.

Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000.

The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.

Phelps is not one of those charged at this point, but the sheriff’s department has strong evidence that matches the photo to the house on Blossom Street.

via WIS News 10 – Columbia, South Carolina | Eight arrested in Michael Phelps case.

As my southern friend UrbAge might say, “Dang, why does he gotta be from the South?  Ya try to kill that whole ‘ign’ant redneck’ image and then someone with a southern accent comes along and does stupid shit like this.”  It’s good to know all the serious crime in Columbia, South Carolina, has been solved so the county sheriff can dedicate resources to tracking down private residential pot smoking that happened weeks ago!  

Seriously, let’s get Sheriff Lott on the trail of Osama bin Laden.  This cop was able to find a Roor bong in a city of 125,000 based on a photo taken indoors – finding the tallest, most recognizable Arab on kidney dialysis in a cave should be a snap.

Hell, yeah, let’s keep this story alive a little while longer, Sheriff!  (And while I’m thinking of it, why did this story break in a UK tabloid?  Did the US tabloids not want it?  Did they not offer enough for it?  Enquiring minds want to know…)

UPDATE: Courtesy of Lee Stranahan via Twitter: A list of the unsolved murders in Sheriff Lott’s county.

Download audio file (NORML_Daily_AudioStash_2009-02-02.mp3)

Well, wasn’t THAT one hell of a Super Bowl?  I was pulling for the Cards and thought my 23-21 Steelers-miss-last-second-FG prediction was going to be pretty darn close.  But what do you know, a stoner goes and catches the game winning last minute touchdown and is voted MVP.

Well, wasn’t THAT one hell of a Super Bong?  Michael Phelps was pulling from a big ol’ piece of glass without remembering that cell phone cameras exist now and he is the most famous Olympian on the planet.  But what do you know, a stoner went off to Beijing and became the only human to win eight gold in one Games.

Well, wasnt’t THAT one hell of a Super Bhang?  George Obama was pulled out of a Nairobi slum and was headed to the slammer for possession of marijuana and resisting arrest.  But what do you know, a stoner gets released from jail with charges dropped because his half-brother (a stoner) went and got elected President of the United States.

(It’s Groundhog Day.  Sonny & Cher keep playing on my radio.)

On today’s Stash, Allen St. Pierre drops by to give his take on the toker trifecta we hit this Super Bowl weekend, and Kelly Maddy from Jopin NORML is here to discuss medical marijuana legislation in Missouri.

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — Olympic great Michael Phelps has acknowledged ”regrettable” behavior and ”bad judgment” after a photo in a British newspaper showed him smoking marijuana.

In a statement released to The Associated Press, the swimmer who won a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Games conceded the authenticity of the exclusive picture published Sunday by the tabloid News of the World.

Phelps said: ”I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

via Phelps Apologizes for Marijuana Use – NYTimes.com.

Youthful and inappropriate.  Childish things, as our president might say.  ”It will not happen again.”  Not to get all Clintonian on you, Mike, but does “it” refer to “smoking marijuana” or does “it” refer to “photos surfacing in newspapers showing you smoking marijuana”?

I’ll never understand the mindset that accepts as rational the idea that these world class athletes – Michael Phelps, Ricky Williams, Ross Rebagliati, those Russian sumo, etc. - can dedicate their entire lives to eating right, working out, honing their bodies and minds to the pinnacle of their sport, but should they wish to relax and unwind, they’re forced to ingest a hard liquid drug that has noticably deleterious effects on health and athletic ability (Max McGee notwithstanding) rather than a mild herb that doesn’t seem to  have affected their abilities whatsoever.

Even more perplexing is the notion that, in the name of “sports medicine”, these athletes are accustomed to taking all manner of narcotic pain killers and other pharmaceutical cocktails that aid performance or mitigate injury, but are addicting (Brett Favre, *cough*,) and wreak havoc on the liver and kidneys, yet if we catch them smoking weed we have to mete out severe punishment (Santonio Holmes, notwithstanding).

As I look at the coverage on Huffington Post (admittedly, a liberal website) almost all comments are “it’s well past time to legalize it” and “so what” and “didn’t hurt Phelps’ performance any”.  Oh, an Obama brother pot bust and an eight-time gold medalist bong photo following ten days of growing drumbeat over President Obama’s non-response to the Tahoe Raid… somebody really did get me a swell birthday present!

THIS is the astonishing picture which could destroy the career of the greatest competitor in Olympic history.

In our exclusive photo Michael Phelps, who won a record EIGHT gold medals for swimming at the Beijing games last summer, draws from a bong.

And after sporting chiefs announced laws which mean four-year bans for drug-taking, Phelps’ dreams of adding to his overall 14 gold medal tally at the 2012 games in London could already be OVER.

Those dreams seemed the last thing on his mind when he puffed from the bong during two days of partying with students last November, a quiet time in the swimming calendar when athletes would not expect to get tested for drugs.

As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits. And when a student offered him the glass bong engraved with red writing, he did not hesitate, says our source.

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, refused to comment, as did USA Swimming and Phelps’ coach Bob Bowman.

More surprising still was the World Anti-Doping Agency’s refusal to comment, given that they introduced the four-year ban on sport’s drug users.

Spokesman Clifford Bloxham offered us an extraordinary deal not to publish our story, saying Phelps would become our columnist for three years, host events and get his sponsors to advertise with us.

In return, he asked that we kill Phelps’ bong picture. Bloxham said: “It’s seeing if something potentially very negative for Michael could turn into something very positive for the News of the World.”

So, you wanna explain to me how marijuana smoking will make one a lethargic, unmotivated loser who will never get anywhere in life?  This should be fun, watching sponsors and Olympic and USA Swimming officials trip all over themselves.  I expect to see a special exemption or a sudden new rule that lets firt time offenders skate with some sort of class and community service.  Does anybody really think they are going to end Michael Phelps’ career, the greatest Olympian ever, and a huge marketing and endorsement cash cow, for a picture of him doing something that isn’t even criminal in thirteen states?