(Guardian UK) “I first took coke when I was 18 and at university. I remember two friends who did chemistry told me I should get really drunk first because it would mix into this new chemical in my blood and make me even higher,” a 30-year-old woman who works in publishing told the Observer yesterday.

What her friends did not tell her is that the combination of cocaine and alcohol in her then teenage body will have left a highly toxic chemical in her liver called cocaethylene.

For not only is cocaethylene toxic in the liver, it is also blamed for heart attacks in the under-40s and a surge in social problems. But because so little is known about the drug, few experts can agree on the nature of the threat to users, and indeed society as a whole.

Cocaine-related deaths are also increasing in the US. The US National Household Drug Survey estimated that around five million people used alcohol and cocaine each month.

Yes, but five million people also realize that they can have a great Friday or Saturday night out on the town, dancing and drinking til the wee morning hours, with a bump of coke every now and then, sleep it off Sunday, and unless their workplace random drug testing pops them early on Monday morning, they can probably pass a urine screen.

But if 14 million people wanted to have a fun weekend with a toke of a natural, herbal social relaxant shared communally among friends, knowing it is non-toxic to their liver and far safer to themselves and society than alcohol or cocaine or mixing the two, a workplace random drug test anytime in the next week to a month means chugging nasty-tasting body flushes and water or mixing up freeze-dried urine, strapping it to their thighs along with a chemical hand warmer and maybe even wearing a prosthetic penis to be certain they can beat the pee test and continue to pay their mortgages and feed their families.

Great discussion in the comments on Going to Pot: Weed and Testicular Cancer and Could smoking pot raise testicular cancer risk?  We should point out that as cannabis consumers, we welcome legit research into cannabis and its potential harms.  If cannabis does cause an increased risk for testicular cancer, so be it.  But when you report that, point out that testicular cancer risk is incredibly low, so an increased risk is still incredibly low.  When you report “70% increase of risk”, it’s like saying buying two lotto tickets doubles your chances of winning — it’s true, but statistically meaningless.  Also point out that risk for lung cancer for smokers or colorectal cancer for drinkers is incredibly high, yet nobody proposes arresting smokers or drinkers for their own good.

But is it paranoid for me to believe in some “Dr. Evil / P.A.I.N.” conspiracy that works to keep drug-war-damaging stories out of the headlines and reefer madness scaremongering in the headlines?

You be the judge.  There are two brand new studies out on marijuana, published this month.  The first one, as you know, is this study showing an increased risk of testicular cancer for heavy marijuana smokers.

Go to news.google.com and click onto the Health section.  You’ll find (as of this moment):

Just Say No … or Else You Get Cancer?
ABC News - 9 hours ago
By RADHA CHITALE Internet photos of swimming phenomenon Michael Phelps, 23, possibly indulging in an Olympian lungful of marijuana smoke scandalized many and may have caused him to lose face and the faith of some of his fans — not to mention a …
Could smoking pot raise testicular cancer risk? CNN
all 181 news articles »

181 news articles on smoking pot giving you nut cancer, very few with any perspective on the rarity of nut cancer and the admittedly tentative results of the study.

Now while you’re on the Health section, search for the other study, published this month in the American Journal of Transplantation.  This study shows that “Patients who tested positive for marijuana prior to liver transplant have survival similar to patients who did not.”  Maybe not as sexy as story as impending testicular doom for stoners, but relevant considering that the news media did cover the story of Tim Garon being rejected for a life-saving liver transplant due to his medical marijuana usage.

What, no hits for “marijuana liver transplant”?  Try just “transplant” at news.google.com.  Don’t even limit yourself to the Health section.

Not 181 hits.  Not 18 hits.  Not even 1 hit.  Bad news conjecture about marijuana = 181 stories.  Good news fact about marijuana = 0 stories.  Am I paranoid?

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — Olympic great Michael Phelps has acknowledged ”regrettable” behavior and ”bad judgment” after a photo in a British newspaper showed him smoking marijuana.

In a statement released to The Associated Press, the swimmer who won a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Games conceded the authenticity of the exclusive picture published Sunday by the tabloid News of the World.

Phelps said: ”I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

via Phelps Apologizes for Marijuana Use – NYTimes.com.

Youthful and inappropriate.  Childish things, as our president might say.  ”It will not happen again.”  Not to get all Clintonian on you, Mike, but does “it” refer to “smoking marijuana” or does “it” refer to “photos surfacing in newspapers showing you smoking marijuana”?

I’ll never understand the mindset that accepts as rational the idea that these world class athletes – Michael Phelps, Ricky Williams, Ross Rebagliati, those Russian sumo, etc. - can dedicate their entire lives to eating right, working out, honing their bodies and minds to the pinnacle of their sport, but should they wish to relax and unwind, they’re forced to ingest a hard liquid drug that has noticably deleterious effects on health and athletic ability (Max McGee notwithstanding) rather than a mild herb that doesn’t seem to  have affected their abilities whatsoever.

Even more perplexing is the notion that, in the name of “sports medicine”, these athletes are accustomed to taking all manner of narcotic pain killers and other pharmaceutical cocktails that aid performance or mitigate injury, but are addicting (Brett Favre, *cough*,) and wreak havoc on the liver and kidneys, yet if we catch them smoking weed we have to mete out severe punishment (Santonio Holmes, notwithstanding).

As I look at the coverage on Huffington Post (admittedly, a liberal website) almost all comments are “it’s well past time to legalize it” and “so what” and “didn’t hurt Phelps’ performance any”.  Oh, an Obama brother pot bust and an eight-time gold medalist bong photo following ten days of growing drumbeat over President Obama’s non-response to the Tahoe Raid… somebody really did get me a swell birthday present!

Longtime Stash listeners will remember the tragic story of Tim Garon, a Pacific Northwest man who was kicked off a liver transplant list because of his legal use of medical cannabis.  Many, if not most transplant programs will refuse a patient with inactive cannabis metabolites based on gross prejudice against cannabis users and lack of understanding about medical cannabis.

So I am excited about this new study to be published out of the University of Michigan entitled, “Marijuana Use in Potential Liver Transplant Candidates.”  These researchers began the study hypothesizing “that patients with chronic liver disease who were marijuana users will have inferior survival.”  From 1999-2007 they studied 1,489 liver transplant patients, 155 of whom were cannabis users, identified by a drug screening.  The result?

Upon multivariate analysis, MELD score, hepatitis C and transplantation were significantly associated with survival, while marijuana use was not.We conclude that patients who did and did not use marijuana had similar survival rates. Current substance abuse policies do not seem to systematically expose marijuana users to additional risk of mortality.

In other words, the only reason to deny a marijuana user an organ transplant is if our doctors want to play police officer.  Marijuana use does not impact survival rates for transplants one bit, so the only reason to deny transplants is because patients are breaking a federal or state law, or just a federal law in thirteen states now.

Actually, it is not surprising, considering how many of our police have been playing doctor over medical marijuana.  In Hawaii, the medical marijuana program is actually administered by law enforcement!